I went on the UCS Machine Room Tour a couple of weeks ago – a real geek gadget-trip. The Machine Room originally housed one of the first, and the very last, operational IBM 360 mainframes in the country (world?), complete with slightly scary fire-suppression system (you have 30s to get out, at which point the standard nitrogen/oxygen atmosphere in the room is forcefully replaced by an argon-based mix, causing you to die pretty much instantly but stop the fire almost as instantly) and three very large and beleaguered aircon units (they’re hurrying to get a fourth ‘cos the three are only just keeping the temperature constant at around 21-23 deg C currently…). Racks and racks of servers of every generation imaginable look after all the Cambridge web services, file storage, and such that we all know and love, plus a few times as many again that you wouldn’t ever know existed! In addition, of course, to large amounts of network switching et cetera et cetera, and comically, a standalone router box sitting folornly on top of a rack, marked “ADC Theatre”, because said theatre isn’t on the Granta backbone.

The tour included a number of anecdotes, such as the time that the Zoology dept (next door, connected by an internal fire escape door) was experimenting with lethal scorpions, and required a vial of antivenom to be kept refrigerated nearby, with somebody on hand who was first-aid trained to administer the serum. The only such fridge within reach was in the 24-hour IBM mainframe serviceman’s kitchenette, who also happened to be first-aid trained because he was always there. Probably the most unusual service the UCS has ever provided to a department of the university…

More scary in a way was the time the Zoology department had a fire; the (smoke-porus) concrete walls between the departments caused the fire-suppression system to be activated for the first time. Unfortunately, the gas delivery pipes had been very thoroughly greased on installation, and along with large amounts of halon gas the room was liberally sprayed with said grease. This was in the days of magnetic tapes, of course; the UCS consequently became world experts in how to clean grease from thousands of magnetic tapes, as well as the expensive IBM robot that loaded and organised the tape collections…

Then there was the large IBM harddrive, with platters floating on an cushion of pumped-in air, which was automatically shut off before any fire-related damage could reach it; however, the platters kept spinning for some time more, causing a vortex that turned the harddrive box into a giant Hoover, drawing in a load of grease and debris into what would otherwise have been a completely safe environment…